Deck the jingle bell rockin' around the O Christmas Tree

I like Christmas music. I'm not a fan that at the very second Hallowe'en's last "Tick-or-treat" is uttered, the fa-la-la-la-las start in earnest. But for the most part, I enjoy the songs that this time of the season inspires.

But there is one song that needs to be packed up in a weighted box, and dropped into that supposed bottomless lake somewhere in Russia, so it may never make our ears bleed again.

I am, of course talking about the Christmas Shoes song. If you've never heard it, don't google it, Youtube it, or look it up in any way. You will have it stuck in you head for the rest of the year, if not for the rest of your life.

It has all the makings of a classic bad song; saccharine-sweet and sung from the point of view of someone who isn't in the "Christmas spirit". There's a little boy (who was dirty head to toe - his words, not mine) in line in front of him at the store. Said boy is buying a present (the Christmas shoes) for his Mama, but doesn't have enough money. Said boy's Mama is dying (either that or she's in tight with the Big Guy upstairs, because in the song, she might "meet Jesus tonight"). The singer's heart grows three sizes bigger as he plunks the money down for the shoes, and he suddenly remembers what this time of year is all about. Yes people, it's a song with a lesson.

When a story has a lesson, it's called a fable. Does that make this a sable? (song+fable=... aw, forget it, it wasn't that funny anyway)

Then, at the very end, a choir of children start singing the chorus. I don't have anything against children singing, per se, I just hate it when it's tacked onto the end of a song for the "pulling-at-your-heartstrings" effect. Bleh.

You're probably saying to yourself right now, "wow, what a cold, cold-hearted person. We should throw her into that bottomless lake in Russia."

But just because I can't stand songs that make you chubby because they are so over-the-top sweet, doesn't mean I don't have a heart. O Holy Night makes me have to pinch my arm to keep from crying every time I hear it.

And THIS version... well, it makes me cry in a whole 'nutha way.



Merry Christmas everyone!