Kid-isms

I haven't done one of these in a long time... actually, I haven't written anything in a long time.  Maybe this will help get me going again...

The other day Elise and Mattias were having an impromptu jam session on their instruments. Towards the end of the song, Elise says the following:

E: And on the drums... Mattias (last name)!
(whispers, "play your solo Mattias") 

*Mattias bangs on his drum*

E: And singing and playing the guitar, Elise (last name)!

*wild guitar solo follows*

E: Thank you, and GOOD NIGHT!

Now I need to get Lucas on the tambourine and we can become our own little Partridge family!

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Me: Mattias, why are you so cute?

Mattias: Because YOU are!
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Mattias: Mom!  We both love each other and we both like each other! (talking about Elise)
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Mattias to his teacher: Did you know my sister lives in Texas?
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Mattias (whenever he sees me making something with cheese): Can I have some cheese in my hand?
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Elise: What are bombs for?

I explain on a very 6 year old level how bombs are used to hurt people, and countries want to have them to protect themselves.

Elise: That doesn't sound very good for the world.
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Mattias to Lucas: Dude... I love you!
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(During Halloween, a house in our neighbourhood was all decorated in a haunted house motif... which scared the crap out of Mattias)

Mattias (every time we drive past said house): Mom, look!  It's the rotten house!
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At Target, Mattias grabbed a bra of off a hanger and held it up to his chest...

Mattias:  Mom, look! Boobies!

Me: That's great Mattias, let's go.

Mattias: Okay, just let me put my boobies back.
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Elise: Mom, do you like a farmer's guitar?

Me: Farmer's guitar?  What's that?

Elise: You know, a banjo
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Mattias: Mom, I love you (long pause)... and I like you too.
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Elise to my Mom: I get less money than you because you're a grown-up. You get all the money you want.

Beverly Hills, 9021-Noooooo!

The unthinkable has happened.  Actually, it happened a few weeks ago but I've been so broken up, that I haven't been able to verbalize my feelings until now.

SoapNet went off the air on New Years Day.  And with it, Beverly Hills 90210; the only reason for ever watching that channel. Because of this, piles of laundry are slowly taking over my house.

How are the two connected?  Because nothing could spur me on to fold shirts and roll socks like the exploits of Brandon, Brenda et al.  I could burn through 5 baskets of clean clothes during the 2 hour time slot during which those crazy kids hooked up, drank up, smoked up, broke up, broke down, burned down, and burned out.

It wasn't something I had to watch; just a little world that I could peek into to distract me when doing mind-numbing work. I didn't watch it every day and probably never saw an episode in its entirety.  But I could always turn it on and find out if Donna was still a virgin.  Or if Dylan was with Brenda or Kelly. Did Steve ever grow up? Did Brandon ever stop being a self-righteous turd?

Now that it's gone I will never find out how sweet Kelly Kapowski from Saved by the Bell turned into crazy Val Malone just by moving zip codes.

I blame Facebook... now if you want ridiculous, over-the-top drama, all you have to do is turn on your computer.

So goodbye to my favourite 30-somethings playing teenagers, and the TV show that had the coolest theme song guitar riff of the 90s.  I'm hoping you'll find your way back via another network one day.

A very Merry 1st Unbirthday

Today is Lucas's shoulda-been birthday.  I don't know why I'm so stuck on this day.  Maybe because both his actual birth day, and his 1st birthday (thank you Icemeggedon 2013) were surrounded by such chaos.

The new year has slowly meandered its way into our lives without any fuss and all is calm.  Today would have been a great day to have a party.

But like I said in this post, I need to remember it is his story.  And if December 8th brings chaos every year... so be it.  Because this guy is worth it.

Plus... he seems to thrive on craziness.  It's how he rolls.

A very Merry Unbirthday once again Lucas.

Thoughts on your first birthday

Dear Lucas,

A year ago, you came into our world with a bang.  You had your own pre-determined schedule and you were sticking to it.  Now, 365(ish) days later, not much has changed.

You actually started out as a pretty chill baby.  I think you slept about 23 hours a day after you were discharged from your 9 day stay in the NICU.  You fit into our family easily and you were adored by all; especially your brother and sister.

As you sped through the months, your easy-going nature continued.  And then, everything changed... I don't know if it was when you learned to crawl, or if it was teething that sent you into an eternal angst-spiral, but ermahgerd child... simmer down!

If you want something, you WANT it.  And telling you "no" leads to wailing and gnashing of your three teeth (that may or may not be the culprits of your 'tude).  I guess what I'm saying is that you are one determined little dude.  Even though some days it makes me tear my hair out, I do love watching you crawl at warp speed towards the open front door, that unfaltering smile on your face as you are single-minded in your quest for freedom.  And no matter how close I am to that door, or how far away you are... still you make a break for it; one time even getting all the way out only to sit and munch on a leaf you found on our walkway before I caught up to you.

Speaking of eating strange stuff... once you learn to talk, I will be asking you what's up with that?  Paper, markers, leaves, dog fur, candy wrappers, Polly Pocket heads, Lego, rocks... those are just some of the items I have fished out of your cute little kisser. It doesn't matter how thorough I am at scanning the floor for these tiny torture devices, you still seem to find them.  Just stop eating them!

Having said all that, you are also one of the sweetest little snugglers a Mama could ever ask for.  I don't think there's a better feeling in the world than picking you up and feeling you wiggle into your perfect cuddling position.  I love how you light up when you see me, and even though it hurts my ears, your wailing as I walk away is a total ego-boost.  And yes, I even love those open-mouthed, drool-fest kisses you give.  And sometimes?  I don't even wipe my cheek afterwards.

This year we had a grand birthday planned for you.  People!  Coming to our house!  Food!  Cake! Friends!(as you grow older, you'll get that this is a big deal, your Mama hates being a hostess).  Then the ice hit the fan.  Er, the ground.  Everything was frozen over and people were stuck in their houses.  By the day of your party, things were a bit better and some people managed to make it.  Actually, it was perfect... right down to your face as we sang Happy Birthday to you and your expression when you had your first taste of cupcake.

Just like last year, your birthday was not boring.  But let's not make this a thing, okay?  It's hard on your Mama.

Happy Birthday my doodle.  I love you so much and can't wait to see what this next year has in store for you!

And now he is one

I meant to post this yesterday, but we had a party on his actual birthday and most of the day was spent preparing.  Only half the guests could make it because of an ice storm that hit our area, but I think a good time was had by all.

Apparently, Lucas's birthday will never be boring.

This baby goes to 11

I'm  a little bit late, but a sick, teething, not-sleeping-very-much baby will do that to you.  It's a good thing he's cute.

Happy Halloween!

Another year of getting my offspring to knock on strangers' door and ask candy is behind us, and all that is left is for me to somehow get away with eating said candy without said offspring noticing.

Hope you had a Happy Halloween too!

Making a scary face while posing with their pumpkins

Elise's design on the left, Mattias's on the right 

Cheetahs, Bumblebees and baseball players, OH MY!

Too cute.  Both of them

He's coming to getcha!

Munching on his Halloween treats.  Aka leaves.

Wee little Pumpkins

Can I be honest?  I don't get out of my house a whole lot.  Outings are short trips to the grocery store, or the happiest place on earth (Target), and then home again.  I fit these in between naps and nursing/feeding times of my two littlest littles.  

It's my own fault... I hate to disrupt nap time.  But today I figured for my sanity, and thus the sanity of my children, we must go out on some sort of adventure.

So to the pumpkin patch we went...

A rare moment... he's looking at the camera AND smiling

Brudders!

This. Is. Awesome!

Fun in the bounce house... Lucas didn't want to leave

He went on this only about a million times

Tractor!

He was fascinated with the straw

I'm going to eat this now

Cheese!

That is a very unfortunate position the one hand of the scarecrow is in
The kids, however, are adorable

Getting him to smile is never a problem

The best I could get... at least they're both looking

So there you have it... a fun adventure, no meltdowns, and a good time was had by all.  Boy is Elise going to be ticked she missed all the fun.

A perfect 10 (months)

Yes... this really was the best picture I could get.

The Stupid People Chronicles, Vol.1

Lately I've been encountering a lot of stupid people.  Now these aren't people with below average IQ who do things that even Homer Simpson would deem, "not s-m-r-t", but people who have ticked me off in some manner or another.

This is a tale of a woman who made me want to run her over with my shopping cart because she was a Class-A Jerk. I was grocery shopping, and as I came around the corner to the aisle that held the Clearance Section (aka my favourite aisle in the whole grocery store), I noticed a back-up of people and carts.  It seemed one jack-weed had positioned her cart so nobody that was coming from my way could get to the clearance section.

She then proceeded to clear out pretty much every "good" item from the section; school supplies, diapers, pull-ups, batteries... you name it, she had it in her cart.  I think I counted over 10 packs of diapers.

By the time I came around the corner, she was done; sashaying her way towards the check-out leaving a handful of bewildered people in her wake.  They wanly smiled at me and shrugged their shoulders.  One person muttered, "she took EVERYTHING!".

My rage is two-fold; first, the blocking out of everyone else... so not cool on so many levels.  Had I arrived sooner, I like to think I would have sent her cart sailing down the aisle. Not before taking a few choice items out of it and putting them in my cart (okay, maybe not on that last part).

Second, SHE TOOK EVERYTHING.  She didn't leave anything for anybody else.  You might say, "so what, she's entitled to take it all if she wants."  Um.  No.  Because that makes you a turd.

Yes it does.

I remember one time I found some baby food in the clearance section, marked down to about 10 cents.  This was the good stuff; expensive, a well-known brand name, and organic.  I could have been a douche-canoe and taken every last package, but the human in me thought it would be nice to leave some for other people.  Because I'm decent like that.

I spent the rest of my shopping trip with visions of pelting her with all the diapers she took, but then the idea of the Stupid People Chronicles was born.  And it seems a lot healthier to write out my rage, then to act on it.

And a lot less crazy.

So congratulations, Raider of the Lost Clearance Section; you are the star of my inaugural Stupid People Chronicles!