Friday, July 15, 2011

Trying to control the uncontrollable by peeing in a cup

There is so much in life that we are unable to control. And to a person whose eye starts twitching at the mere thought of loss of control, that is a tough pill to swallow.

My life lately has been an exercise in "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference." Perhaps there's a lesson I need to be learning here.

Perhaps not.

All I know is, there may or may not be a curse upon our new house. And I seem to have lost my ability to control curses, because nothing is working. Let's look at the facts, shall we?

We move in. I notice that wasps have colonized the outside of our house. I cannot abide by flying, stinging insects. Bugman is called. Pricetag? $180.

Fred tries to use sprinkler system. Sprinkler system does not work properly. Fred calls guy out too look at it. Price tag to fix? $1500. We do not fix it. Fred does. For $4.

Ants have infested our upstairs bathroom. I will not share my house with insects. Bugman is called. Pricetag? Actually free... included in the $180 mentioned above.

Elise contracts a mystery rash. A very BAD mystery rash. That STILL isn't completely gone. Pricetag? Pedi visit + derm visit + over-the-counter meds + rx meds... you do the math.

Big storm causes tree limb to fall on Fred's car doing $3500 worth of damage. Pricetag? $500 deductible.

A car driving by (or something just as insignificant) causes another limb to fall, narrowly missing Fred's car. We decided to rid ourselves of this arbored-menace and have it cut down. Pricetag? $280.

Ants move their infestation to the downstairs bathroom. Bugman called yet again. Pricetag? Included.

Downstairs AC goes out. Home warranty people contacted. Run around given. Three different companies come to diagnose. Days go by. Part ordered from Texarkana. More days go by (apparently they are WALKING the part to Dallas). Phone calls made. Joanne is angered. Temperatures reach 87 degrees in the house. Joanne's head explodes. Eight days later AC is fixed. Pricetag? $134 + so much pain and suffering.

This is all in one month, people.

The latest trial is that there is a mole (or moles) in our backyard, threatening to do damage to all the hard work Fred has put into our lawn. I have been enjoying having a lawn that the kids can play on, as opposed to the obstacle course of weeds, fire ant hills, bare patches and mole holes that was the lawn at our old place.

We're not going down without a fight.

Today on the phone my Mom told me you can remedy moles by pouring urine down their holes.

And I was all, "really? Urine? I CAN DO THAT!"

So Fred got a cup and both of us made a contribution to the cause. We then ran giggling like a bunch of idiots to the backyard to pour pee down a hole. It was so awesome, I can't even begin to tell you. Finally... we were taking control of our own destiny (for FREE) and vanquishing the moles!

It's too soon to tell if it's working, but I finally feel like I've gained a little bit of control back in my life.

And if you're ever in our bathroom, and see a cup with the letter "P" written on it. Please don't use it.

For obvious reasons.


AjsMommy82 said...

Oh my Joanne! Sounds exactly like our life about now!!! Same here with the mole, ants, AC and the sprinkler system!!!! Darn new houses!!!

shannon said...

i do not know how you are sane and still functioning after all that bs but i am glad to hear the A/C is FINALLY BACK ON WHOOOO!!!

sky0138 said...

That is a whole LOT of craziness to have to deal with in one month my friend! I hope it will be smooth sailing from here on out. I couldn't help but laugh uncontrollably at the visual of you two running out giggling to pour pee down a mole! I hope that does the trick! Mark your territory!!

Liz Sobolik said...

best post ever. the mental picture of you and Fred running around with your cup...thank you.

David and April Vinson said...

How do you do it, Joanne? You make the most un-funny events hysterical! LOVE the way you look at life! PS Glad you have AC again! UGH!!!!

My Little Eye said...

i love that you guys were giggling! that was God giving you some comedy relief. My heart did go out to you...I know you guys reached debt free status a few years back, and I'm sure you've got it figured out but still. not cool.

Stephanie said...

You just made my day. LOL! You show them moles who is BOSS!!

I cannot believe the amount of crazy things that have happened to you...sending you some good vibes!!

David and April Vinson said...

Ok... What's the scoop? Are you mole free now? Or still running gleefully with pee in cups?