Just say NO to N2O

Do you know what's worse than having to go to the dentist?

Having to go to the dentist, falling asleep in the chair, and waking up with vomit all over you. From the "it could only happen to me" file...

I was actually looking forward to having some cavities filled. The last time I went, they used the nitris on me and I swear, he could have drilled a hole in my head and I wouldn't have cared.

But this time was different. Maybe they cranked it up too high. Maybe it was the two hours of sleep I had the night before. Maybe it was the one lonely piece of toast sitting in my stomach. All I know is one minute I'm asleep, and the next I have spewed all over myself.

It was pretty miserable and I felt so bad for the dentist and hygienist that had to work with me reeking like that.

I left the dentist's office feeling awful (and in fact emitted one more technicolour yawn before I departed), and it lingered the rest of the day. Fred and I even had to cancel our long-awaited date night sans kids (my mom was in town).

So no more nitris for me. Too bad, going to the dentist was almost as good as a day at the spa.

Please sir, can I have some more?

Have you ever have one of those days where you wake up and as the sun streams through your curtains, you are 100% certain today is going to be a great day? Maybe it's the fact that you slept an extra hour in addition to your usual allotted 4. Maybe it's the sweet baby coos coming from the crib in the corner of your room. Whatever it is, you leap from your bed in the greatest of moods.

And then fall flat on your face as the day decides to trip you. Then it kicks you in the crotch while it spits in your face and gives you a wedgie.

It wasn't just one big thing going wrong, just millions of little ones:

Like whatever plague has infested my body since mid-December has reared it's ugly head again and I'm coughing up stuff that must be radio-active, it's so green. I think a high pressure system has moved into my sinuses and my head just might explode soon.

Like my son spitting up everything he ever ate all over me several times today. A girl only has so many pairs of sweat pants.

Like the attitude of my kids making me seriously contemplate changing their names to Crabby and Clingy.

Like when I do decide to indulge myself and hop in the shower for the first time in 2 days, Clingy can't handle the two minutes I'm away from him, and Crabby won't even entertain the thought of entertaining him.

Like Crabby melting down at the slightest thing; "my hand hurts, I don't know how to do that (dress herself - yes she does), I can't find my slipper, the dog is looking at me, the bathroom is cold, my leg hurts, I want a pink spoon..." Oh, the drama.

Like Clingy deciding he wants to be held. All day. And not in a sling, or a carrier. Nope, only two human arms will do.

Like me stress-eating an entire bag of kettle corn (okay, that was about the best thing that happened today).

Like Clingy rockin' the 45-minute intruder. Every. Single. Nap (for those non-parents, the 45-minute intruder is where your child inexplicably wakes up after only 45 minutes. And they're not very happy about it and won't go back to sleep).

Like Crabby throwing the fit to end all fits because I wouldn't let her wear a dress. Because we were painting and I asked her to wear clothes that I didn't mind getting paint on them. The conversation went something like this:

E: But I don't want to wear those clothes. I want a dress.

Me: I don't want you to get pain on any of your dresses.

E: But I won't be a princess.

Me (thinking Walt Disney needs a serious knee to the groin for his role in the whole princess scam): Princesses wear pants too, Elise.

E: But I won't look pretty.

Me: Clothes don't make you pretty, it's who you are and your ATTITUDE that makes you pretty.

E: But I will look like a boy.

At this point I tell her she needs to stop arguing. It's those clothes or she doesn't get to paint. And if she continues to argue with me, I will take all her dresses away and she'll have to wear pants from now on (yeah, okay... a little extreme. But we have this argument word-for-word EVERY. TIME).

Well, you'd think her dresses were actually puppies and I had threatened to drown them by the way she reacted.

And even though I wanted to run out the door, leaving Seven in charge, I didn't. I kept my cool. I counted backwards from 1000. I muttered expletives under my breath.

And after Fred came home and we ate dinner... I went to Target. Strangely, it helped.

It's a good thing my kids are just too cute...

Thankful to be married to a REAL man

For some reason I've started listening to sports talk radio. I like sports, the announcers tend to be funny, and most other talk radio tends to make me grind my teeth lately.

But the other day I was listening one guy (let's call him jack-wagon #1) complain to his co-hosts that he had the day off that coming Friday, but his days off are never really a day off. Because his wife expects him to help her out with the kids. Then jack-wagon #2 says something to the effect of "your wife doesn't come up here and do your job on her days off, does she?" Jack-wagon #3 didn't say much on the matter, leading me to believe he's either smart, or not married.

Really, JW #1? Really? First off, you're griping about your wife wanting a little help from you when you're home? Let's put aside the fact that YOUR job consists of talking about sports with a bunch of guys. I've worked in radio, and it's FUN. Yes, yes... there is a scant amount of work invovled, but you mostly sit around and talk about poop, farts, and sports. In that order.

Do you realize that your wife doesn't get a day off? A weekend? A chance to sleep in? A coffee break or a lunch hour? Did you know that being a mom is a 24/7 job and you don't get vacations? Or sick days? A paycheque???

Having worked in radio, I know the perks... free tickets to concerts and sporting events. Radio SWAG (stuff we all get), meeting famous (or semi-famous people). Free food that restaurants lavish upon you for a good word or two. Yes, the perks are many, but jack-wagons of the world, I've got you beat.

My perks come in the form of sloppy wet kisses. My son's first toothless grin. My daughter telling me, "I just love you so much". Listening with pride as my three year old spells her name out loud for the first time. Storytimes and snuggles. A baby snoozing in my arms. That, Mr. Jack-wagon beats your day-old doughnuts and crappy hat that will be out-of-date by next week because your radio station changes format for the 5th time in 24 months, hands down.

And Mr. Radio jack-wagon? The next time you want to gripe about having to help your wife out with YOUR kids (that I'm assuming you had a hand in making); grow a pair, and be a real man.

That is all.

Holy 4 Months Batman!

It is quite appropriate that the song we used in the video for Mattias's birth announcement was "Stolen" by Dashboard Confessional. The chorus contains the words, "you have stolen my heart", and this little guy certainly has.

He has the sweetest little personality and the best toothless grins ever. Although he has just decided this sleeping thing is for the birds and it's making me a little crazy, he doesn't really get cranky due to lack of sleep, and he's doing well at making it though the night.

Due to the craziness of life lately, I missed posting this on his actual 4 month-aversary, but it was one year ago today that I first suspected he was on the way (confirmed two days later).

I can't get enough of his sweet smile. Happy 4 months, Mattias!

Joanne's year in review

I shamelessly stole this last year from another blog... Thought it would be fun to re-post for 2010

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?
Made a video that got over 12,000 hits on Youtube, and was shared over and over on facebook and other blogs. you can click here to see it.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Still not into the whole resolution thing.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yeah... ME!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Nope.

5. What countries did you visit?
Canada, baby! Woo-hoo! I got to spend two wonderful weeks in Vancouver.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
Same answer as last year... please to have MORE SLEEP!

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Sept.7 - the day my sweet baby boy Mattias was born!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Taking care of a newborn, and a little girl with type 1 diabetes and not losing my mind.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Hmmmm

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Have you read any of my posts about my pregnancy? Bleh, strep throat x 2, food poisoning... and that was just in the first trimester.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Fred got a new car

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Fred's... he is one amazing husband!

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Meh, moving on...

14. Where did most of your money go?
Medical supplies. Isn't that sad?

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Trip to Vancouver
Getting our green cards
Fred's promotion
Birth of Mattias
Elise starting pre-school
JDRF walk , with more than 80 people walking for Team Elise and raising over $16,000.

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?
Soul Sister by Train, because that's what Elise wanted to dance to every night before bed.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Probably the same.
b) thinner or fatter? About the same... glad to say I've lost all my pregnancy weight!
c) richer or poorer? Richer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Sleeping and traveling.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Throwing up.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
Got Elise up. Breakfast. Presents. Snack for Elise. More presents. Lunch at a friend's house which turned into dinner because we never got around to leaving. Who know South Africans could be so much fun???

Okay, that's last year's answer... because we did the exact same thing this year!

21. Did you fall in love in 2010?
Have you seen a picture of my son???

22. What was your favorite TV program?
Amazing Race

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I don't hate. There are people that make me very sad, but I don't bother wasting my energy on hate.

24. What was the best book you read?
Who has time to read anymore?

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Sorry, I mostly listen to talk radio.

26. What did you want and get?
To go home.

27. What did you want and not get?
A cure for diabetes

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Easy A... funny movie!

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 38 weeks pregnant... I don't think I did much. I turned 34.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
If I just could have gotten more sleep (are you sensing a pattern?)

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
Pregnant lady just tying to be comfortable.

32. What kept you sane?
Blogging and all my D-Momma friends

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Nobody.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Ummm, I don't really have time for politics. Or the right to vote.

35. Who did you miss?
Family. Canada.

36. Who was the best new person you met?
Mattias

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.
Life may suck right now, but it will get better. Then it will suck some more, but get better again. It's all about rinsing and repeating...

38. What are you looking forward to in 2011?
Buying a new house
A trip to Portugal
Raising money for Team Elise
Starting a project that I've been thinking about for a few years.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

"There's only one thing that I know how to do well
And I've often been told that you only can do
What you know how to do well
And that's be you,
Be what you're like,
Be like yourself,
And so I'm having a wonderful time
But I'd rather be whistling in the dark"

-Whistling in the Dark, They Might be Giants