Wednesday, July 8, 2009

I Love...

Warning, this post may be a wee bit sarcastic. Oh, who am I kidding. It's going to be alllllll sarcasm, allllll the time. I have a few things I need to get off my chest. I may not be necessarily blessed in that area, but it's carrying a lot of junk right now. Ready? Here goes:

... people who speed up when I put my signal on to get into their lane. Ohhhh, so sorry that I'm impinging on your precious part of the highway. Oh wait, it doesn't belong to you? Then watch out, I'm coming over anyway. Get ready to rear-end me. (I only do this when Elise is NOT with me).

... people who believe that the rules don't apply to them and it's okay to leave their car running while filling up their gas tank. Or talking on the cell phone while pumping gas for that matter. Listen, just because you want to make a run for this year's Darwin Awards, don't take me with you because I have the bad luck of being at the pump next to you.

... people in stores who loudly tell stories of their drunken night out, followed by a drunken drive home, which culminated in them being pulled over and yelling profanities at the police officer. And hey, speaking of the police... they then go on to tell about that time last year when they were pulled over for all those warrants, and how that was soooooo funny. Shut up. My daughter is listening and in a few years will start asking me what "wasted" means. Save that crap for facebook.

... 100+ degree weather in June (I know it's July, I started this post mid-June). I guess hell has expanded it's borders to include Dallas now. It was only a matter of time. Shoot, I guess my property value is going to go to... well, Dallas. Oh, and can I hear a hip, hip, hooray for ozone action red days? Being stuck inside with a wound-up toddler who has only napped for 30 minutes is such great fun.

... people who write in "text speak". I don't have the time, or will-power to read your email asking, "how r u?", or "what's up w/ u 2nite?". And those are just the easy ones. If I wanted to be able to read hieroglyphics, I would have studied Egyptology. Sometimes, I weep for the future.

... the 45-minute Intruder. If you don't know what this is, then you either don't have small children who nap, or you're one of those people whose children take the fabled "three hour nap". In either case I hate you. But not as much as I hate the aforementioned Intruder. Please, please, PLEASE go away and allow my child more than a quarter-of-an-hour of rest. Oh, who am I kidding? It's me! I'm the one who needs the rest...

... commercials, either on TV or radio, in which the announcer has poor pronunciation. Things like saying, "yer" instead of your. Or "fer" instead of for. Unless it's a particular character yer goin' fer, learn to pronounce the words properly.

... people who try to go through the intersection when traffic is backed up and end up sitting in the middle of the intersection when their light has turned red because there is nowhere for them to go. We have one such intersection right near our house, and the other day I had to sit there through two green lights because of the jerkwads who do this. It usually takes all my strength not to get out of my car and get up on the hood of their car; jumping up and down while screaming at them. Yes, I am well aware I have an anger problem... and? At least I write about it instead of actually doing it.

Okay, time to end this lest all the sarcasm explodes my brain or something. Plus Elise has already slept her allotted 45 minutes. Sigh.

4 comments:

Val said...

woooooo hoooooo! It felt good just to read that. Thanks for going there for some of the rest of us. Totally cathartic read.

Leah J. said...

GREAT post! Ha!

emily said...

hmmmmm, It is HOT out there. and SOMEbody has a nasty traffic situation near her house. AND it is hot. sure can agree on the crazy Dallas drivers who DEFinitly speed up when I wish to MERGE. and it IS hot. smile more, it keeps the sweat from running down your chin...instead it goes around the smile and into your ears.

Meri said...

UMMMM...ya...last stalk...I promise. But I can't help but notice you have the same traffic pet peeves that I do. EXACTLY the same. Eerie...

Can you say, soul mates?
(I'm getting creepy now, I know.)