Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Diabetes Dx Journey Part 2

If you haven't read Part 1, then this post might not make sense. To read it, click here.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing when Elise's doc told us we needed to take her to Children's Hospital that night. I am so thankful that we were surrounded by some wonderful friends that were at our house for Elise's birthday party. They stayed with us until we had packed our bags, and even cleaned up our house.

We had also called some friends to see if they could look after our dog Seven while we were at the hospital. Pam and Michael live all the way in Richardson, but *just happened* to be in Irving at an event. If you don't know DFW geography, Irving is right on the way to the hospital from our house. Pam and Michael took wonderful care of Seven, even keeping her for a few days after we got home so we could get settled.

On the way to the hospital, all sorts of thoughts ran through my mind, mostly ones where I blamed myself for Elise being sick. It was hard to believe that my daughter, who looked as healthy as any other baby, had this horrible disease raging inside of her. I was also so scared of the unknown. I didn't know what this meant for Elise right now and in her future. And was praying hard, that somewhere, someone had made a mistake.

We checked into the hospital Saturday night and didn't leave until Tuesday afternoon. Those days were a whirlwind of doctors, nurses, information, education and lots and lots of tears. We learned what diabetes is and isn't, how to test blood sugar, how to give insulin shots, how to count carbs and monitor Elise's diet so her blood sugar wouldn't get too high or too low, and what to do if it did.

I've made a lot of progress since we were released from the hospital a week ago. I can now give Elise her insulin without any help; something that would have sent me into hysterics before (I have a teeny-tiny aversion to needles. Actually, make that an incredibly huge phobia). I can more-or-less figure out her carb intake without getting a headache, although I still have a lot to learn in that department. Who knew algebra would EVER come in handy? Thank God I have a husband that uses that part of his brain... solving for x makes me cry.

And thankfully, I can look at my baby girl without the word "broken" tarnishing her beautiful face. I hate that I felt this way, but I'm beginning to see she's a little girl who happens to have diabetes. Just like like I'm a girl (okay, woman), who has horrible eyesight, or you're a person that suffers from migraines, or you might know someone with arthritis, or your brother who is autistic, or that girl you went to school with who had epilepsy.

You get my point? We all have our stuff, and it sucks. But it shouldn't define us. We're not broken, the world we live in is.

And one day I will be able to see without glasses and my little girl will never need to be poked with another needle, ever again.


Kim said...

Hey Joanne,

Thanks for sharing the story. Sometimes just saying it all or writing it relieves some of the pain and clears some of the fog.

I found this great verse in The Message that I hope might be an encouragement to you at this moment.

Psalm 34:18
If your heart is broken, you'll find God right there; if you're kicked in the gut, he'll help you catch your breath.

We love you and are praying for you all.


Val said...

I never did pass algebra :) so I can only imagine what that daily task is like! You are being stretched for sure.

I know that by inches you will be more and more at peace with this. Also, Elise will grow up knowing this as normal - which is a silver lining - no blessing, lets call it what it is :) No huge adjustment for her when she is 12 or 18 or 22....

I am contiuing to pray for you. I think of you often thru out the day! Sending love and a big hug.