Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Why you won't find me on facebook

In the recent weeks, I have had some people trying to cajole me into getting on facebook. I know, I am the last person in the known universe to not have a facebook profile. So what? I didn't get a cell phone until after Elise was born.

I don't facebook.

I don't have a myspace.

I don't twitter, tweet, nor am I a twit.

I'm not even sure what friendster is.

The funny thing is, I would jump through fire for these woman who are doing their best to turn me, yet I will not sign up for facebook. And I understand why they want me on there... but I have this thing against facebook.

I think facebook, and other social networking sites like it have ruined the very notion of community. "What?" You are saying to yourself, "Joanne are you stupid?" And while the answer to that question might be yes, the footnote is; not about this.

I actually love the idea of facebook. I don't have an issue with using facebook to keep those that you love (that don't live in your general vicinity) in the loop about the goings-on in your life. I also like the idea of re-connecting with old friends that you have lost touch with and it's not always easy to keep up with them using other methods.

I also don't mind it as a way to communicate quickly and succinctly, even with those who live near you.

What I hate is how it has taken the place of any meaningful communication with the people who are supposed to be your real-life, living-and-breathing friends. You know, the ones that live within a 25-mile radius of you. People that you could get together with, if you decided to put any real effort into it.

The other thing that bugs me is how people update you on every single mundane thing in their life. I don't care if you; just walked your dog, or are going to bed, or are waking up, are shopping or not shopping on Black Friday, hate/love Black Friday, like that it's Friday, etc. But that's a whole other post.

And no, I don't think that I'm hypocritical for having a blog on which I post about MY mundane life. I do it for therapeutical reasons. Having people out there that actually come to my blog of their own volition and read my verbal spewings is just the cherry on top.

I think what started my hate for the facebook is when Elise was diagnosed with diabetes. Did you know that during the four days we were stuck in that hospital, only 5 people came to visit (and one was a couple, so really is was 4 people)? There we were, during one of the darkest times is our life; our child was diagnosed with a chronic, life-changing illness, and people thought it was okay to text us to see if we needed anything. It really made me sit up and take notice of the people we counted on as friends.

Facebook has made it okay for hands-off kind of communication, taking the place of any real community. It seems nobody wants to get involved in anybody's life anymore, especially when things get messy. Does receiving a text with a sad emoticon and the words, "hope u r ok", really convey to people that you care about them?

And that is why I shun facebook and all of it's cousins. I don't want to be okay with drive-by community. And I never want to get to the place where I'd rather write on someone's wall when their world has been shattered instead of coming alongside them and being that living, breathing, real-life kind of friend.


phonelady said...

Okay I dont have a face book either or a my space page . I hate those things and yeah If I want to talk to someone I will pick up my cell phone and have an actual convo with them . So yeah I totally understand and get you on this one . Listen my sista from another mister , you know you are loved on this end . take care and hope you have a wonderfull day .

David & April Vinson said...

Hurray for you!! We too are non-facebookers!! We need to start a club! Non-facebookers unite!! :)

phonelady said...

Hey my sista from another mista I hope you dont mind but I referenced you today in my blog . Nothing bad you can look and yeah Im with david let us non face bookers unite !!!

HeyJade said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
HeyJade said...

Sorry, I deleted my previous comment 'cause made absolutely no sense (pregnancy brain!). The gist of it was this:

I totally agree that Facebook has made us way more anti-social than more social. I hide behind my FB/Twitter and am way more outspoken, friendsly, outgoing, etc online than I am in real life... but it's also allowed me to branch out and "make friends" or be better friends with people through getting to know them on FB. I'm also completely awkward/shy with those people in real life, so it defeats the purpose of making a REAL friend, haha.

And about the time you guys spent in the hospital... a lot of us didn't know about it, or didn't know the extent of it at the time. We didn't know if you wanted visitors, could have visitors, if you needed anything or not... was it ok to call and bug you to ask? We felt texting was less intrusive when we didn't want to bombard you with calls. Having an update on FB/Twitter saying that you would like visitors or were accepting visitors or something like that would have probably helped some of us know to step up and take action, instead of just trying to stay out of the way. Does that make sense? That's the way I see it anyway. Just throwing in my two cents, certainly not wanting to say you're wrong, you're totally not... don't take me that way, here. Just throwing in for the other side of the issue... hope you don't mind. (I hate that there's always that change that the people reading a response - on a blog, on twitter/fb, etc - could totally misinterpret what you're saying or not sense the tone yuo're speaking in... so there's another mark against online socializing! haha!).

HeyJade said...

Gah!!! I re-read that comment and it has so many typos too... I fail at this leaving a comment thing, forgive me.

Joanne said...

Hey Jade (ha ha ha)

What you're saying made sense. I guess that idea of "if they need us, they'll let us know" (which I think has been made popular by facebook) is not really fair to the ones going through the tough time because it puts the onus on them. And when you are in the middle of a crisis like that, you don't even know what you need because you're just trying not to drown.

I guess this post mostly stems from being disappointed in how we relate to one another these days.

Laura Houston said...

Ummm - I love you. BUT - I love my Facebook too. Lucky for me I don't have to choose - right?

Last night Nate was scary high and I put a message on FB for the d-moms because I needed HELP!! They were all there to my rescue - it was great! Just to know that they knew what I was going through, offering advise and support. I was wishing you were on FB last night but I guess I should have just picked up the phone and called. For future reference - is 11:30 too late?

I wish we would have been friends when Elise was dx. I would have been there with you holding your hand.

I'm glad I know you now and I am glad that we can be so different and still be friends!

Still friends - right? :-)

HeyJade said...

Totally get it. I am not good at asking for help, so I'm pretty sure I wouldn't know HOW TO ASK if I needed to in the middle of a crisis either.

I've said it before and I'll say it again... technology has ruined us all, but I wouldn't want to live without it either.