The Ebb and the Flow

It's been just over a week since we found out Elise has diabetes. I feel like I have cried a million tears already and I know more will come. I was talking to a friend yesterday and she told me I sounded very peaceful, which caught me totally off guard. I told her it was probably pure exhaustion, but I also realized that I also was feeling okay at the moment too.

Fast forward to about four hours later and I am absolutely coming apart in Fred's arms, asking him, "why her? Why now? Why not me?" I was a complete and utter mess, and what triggered it was looking at pictures of other babies and thinking, "those babies are completely healthy and Elise will never be that way again." I know, such a dangerous way of thinking.

Having never been through anything like this, I am now learning there is an ebb and a flow to grief and for now I am just going to have to figure out how to ride the wave so I can keep my head above the water.