Elise's First Trick-or-Treating Experience

Since Elise was just shy of three months last Halloween, this was going to be her first time Trick-or-Treating! Of course I had the camera out, ready to document every cute second of it...

Whatcha doing, Poppa?

Our Pumpkins (not my handiwork)

Time to go!

Elise and Poppa, on the hunt for candy!


So cute!

Our pumpkin at night

I hope everybody had a fun and safe Halloween!

More Halloween Cuteness!

So I decided to be smart and try and get some good costume shots while the gettin' was good. Morning is usually Elise's "happy time", and seeing how it's going to be 85 degrees later on, I think I made a good choice. I think next year I'll put her in a bathing suit for Halloween. Of course, that would be the year we get snow on Oct. 31. Anyway, enjoy pictures of the cutest duck EVER!

I think I'm missing part of my costume...

Cute little ducky behind

I'm ready now, let's go!

What do we have in here?

Cool, a Treo. Now I can text everybody and wish them a Happy Halloween!

Say it with me... Awwwwww!

If it looks like a duck, and walks like a duck...

Duck on the run

Happy Halloween!

More cuteness to follow...

Yeah, She's Pretty Cute

I was laying in bed this morning, listening to Elise chattering away to herself in her crib. It was just about 8:00, so I thought I'd leave her since she sounded quite content. All is quiet for a few seconds, and then I hear VERY clearly, "Hello! Mãe!" (Mom in Portuguese)

And then, "Mãe? Mãe! Mãe! Mãe!" It was just so adorable I had to leap out of bed to go see her. What a great way to wake up in the morning.

By the way, she's feeling much better... hasn't had a fever in a few days and just has a bit of a runny nose and some congestion. We are well acquainted with the nose sucker these days!

Sigh...

So after a few days with great numbers, it looks like Elise has come down with some sort of bug. She's been really congested and has a temperature of almost 102. Being sick, and being sick and having diabetes are two totally different things. It can elevate her BG, cause her to throw out ketones, plus we may have to deal with her not wanting to eat because she feels so bad and that is a whole new level of difficult.

So far she's handling it like the star that she is and we haven't had any issues with eating. I'm praying that it stays that way, and for a speedy recovery.

Once again, I'm asking if you would pray with me.

Answered Prayer

Just wanted to let all of you who have been praying know that we have seen improvement in Elise's numbers in the past two days. In fact, the highest she's been since Tuesday at lunch is 205 (normal for her is between 100-200). I am so amazed at the difference in Elise's personality, I finally have my sweet, little girl back. Last night she was being so silly and goofing around... I don't think I've heard her laugh in almost three weeks. I'm being guardedly optimistic and hoping this is the start of a looooooong string of good days. Thanks so much for all your prayers, and praise God for normal blood glucose levels... YEAH!

Why I Wish I were a Baby Part 2

If you haven't read part one, go here.

Having a Bad Day
One day, Elise was having a Terrible-Horrible-No-Good-Very-Bad-Day of the Alexander variety. Things just were not going her way, and she would throw herself on the ground and sob her little heart out. And I admired the fact that she could do this. My day wasn't going too swimmingly and I was tempted to join her. Why shouldn't I be able to fling my angry self down, flail my arms and legs about and wail until I felt better? Next time a cop pulls me over, I just might try it.

Cute Clothes

I have a secret... I can't match. Seriously, I have no idea what colours go with what. I was too busy beating up boys and climbing trees when I supposed to be learning colour co-ordination. A lot of times I have to go back and change Elise out of what she's wearing, because Fred takes one look and just shakes his head. These days, I'm letting him dress her most of the time. The best thing about baby clothes is they come in outfits! No matching needed, everything is right there! Plus baby clothes are pretty comfy. And let's not forget about footie pyjamas!

I Just Peed My Pants

I'm not saying as an adult that I would like to wear diapers... but sometimes the outright convenience of it is almost enough to make me start clipping coupons for Depends. I drink a lot of water during the day... probably close to 64 ounces. That makes for a lot of peeing. When I start thinking about the time I could save by not having to take a bathroom break every two hours... maybe I would be able to write more blog posts about wanting to wear diapers. I'm also the type of person that HATES leaving a movie in the middle just to go pee. Usually I'll just tough it out, but by the end of the movie I'm yelling for Spiderman to just hurry up and die so I can get out of there.

Okay, I seriously don't want to wear diapers, but it made me laugh, and I hope you enjoyed it too.

Holding On

I'm not going to say much tonight, except that life has sure sucked lately. So much so that I'm not even going to write about it. I suppose I'm a little afraid that writing it down will give it some sort of power. All I will say it that despair is starting to take hold. And I'm feeling cheated. This is a time I should be enjoying my daughter. But I said I'm not going to write about it, so I won't. Instead I'm going to hold onto these lyrics from a Matt Redman song that have been resonating in my head all day:

I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on

And there will be an end to these troubles

But until that day comes

Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

Oh no, You never let go

Through the calm and through the storm

Oh no, You never let go

In every high and every low

Oh no, You never let go

Lord, You never let go of me

I don't really see a light right now, but I am holding onto His promise.

Apologies

Sorry for emotionally vomiting on you with that last post. This has been a pretty crummy week, and I guess I just needed to blow off some steam. Unfortunately, we're still seeing mostly high BG levels, though there seems to be no reason for it. But what I'm learning is that diabetes doesn't make much sense. High BG's could be caused by stress, illness, hormone fluctuations (good God, not yet), growth spurts, the wind blowing out of the east, or the Phillies beating the Dodgers.

I made the last two up.

My brain doesn't really like vagueness, so I feel very unequipped to handle to handle this reality. I want to know the reason why. And I want it to be a logical answer that makes sense. I think a conversation between me and diabetes would go a little something like this:

Me: Why are you causing Elise's BG to be so high?
Diabetes: Because
Me: But why?
Diabetes: Just... because
Me: But WHY?
Diabetes: Because I said so. Now shut up and eat your dinner

This week hasn't been all bad, Fred took the day off today and we went to the zoo! I'm hoping to post some pics from our trip soon. Sorry again for the spew, please feel free to send me your dry cleaning bill.

So...

That previous post was an attempt to make myself laugh and get in good spirits. Starting the week with a laugh in hopes that it would set the tone for the week to come.

Didn't really work. I know, it's only Monday, but this was truly one of the most craptastic days since Elise was diagnosed. It started off this morning when I took Elise's BG and it was almost 400. When she has levels over 250, I have to check for ketones. The result came back that she had a moderate amount, which means a call to her endo. At one point I was preparing Elise's breakfast and insulin while trying to discuss a treatment plan with the diabetes nurse AND console a very unhappy baby. I felt like a frickin' circus clown who is trying to juggle chainsaws. Badly.

The day just got worse from there as Elise's BG was even higher the second time I took it after I had given her a correction dosage of insulin. And she still had ketones. I called the nurse again and she kept asking me if I was making sure Elise was drinking water (it helps flush the ketones out). I told her that yes, I was trying to give her water, but if she had a magical way to make a 13 month old drink when she seemed to be violently opposed to it, then I was all ears. She then suggested I give her diluted Crystal Light. I politely informed her that I don't keep such a product in my house, but if she would wait a few minutes, I WOULD PULL IT OUT OF MY ASS FOR HER.

Do I sound upset? I am. Mostly because this person on the other end of my telephone didn't seem to get that you can lead a baby to water, but she will most likely fling that sippy cup at your head if she doesn't want to drink. She made me feel like I wasn't doing it properly. Oh, I see, I'm supposed to put the water in a cup and she will magically drink it for me? Here I was trying to WISH it down her throat. Silly me.

After the fun task of spooning food into a screaming baby's mouth, I put Elise down for her nap and prepared to take her to the pediatrician after she woke up. Yes, started preparing almost two hours in advance, because of the amount of crap I needed to haul with me. When she awoke I threw her in the car and drove like a mad woman to get to the appointment on time. Two hours, a few tests, and much poking and prodding later; we were on our way home.

More spooning food into a screaming baby's mouth, and Fred finally makes it home. I am wiped. I am mad. I am upset. I am sad. I also don't know how much more of this I can take. There was some good news though... Elise's ketones were eventually negative. So there's that. At least I can hold onto the fact that one thing did go right today.

Why I wish I was a Baby Part 1

It wasn't until I had a baby, that I realized it was quite the life (for her). Now I'm kind of wishing I could go back and re-live my baby years all over again. Here's why:

Mandatory Nap time
This alone would be enough for me to want to be baby again. What? You seriously want me to go and lie down two to three times a day for an hour or so at a time? Let me get this straight... I get to sleep at night AND during the day? And the more I sleep, the happier you are? Gimme my blankie and I'll see you in a few. And please try and keep it down.

Making a Mess... and Getting Away With It!
I have this friend who refers to her kids as natural disasters. I won't use their real names, but her nicknames for them are Hurricane Hank and Earthquake Eva. Little 'Cane and 'Quake came over a few weekends ago and truly lived up to their nicknames. It seriously looked like a giant had picked up my house, shook it around so everything fell out of where it belonged, and then set my house back down again. Not that I minded, it was fun to watch the kids enjoy themselves. My point is this... after the kids were done creating chaos, who were the ones picking up after them? Their parents, of course! At the end of the day, almost every cupboard in my kitchen has been opened with at least one item taken out. And I dutifully follow behind Elise and put it all away, chuckling to myself that it's cute how she is so curious. If you do that as an adult, they call you a slob. Not fair.

What a Cute Wittle Baby!
When was the last time someone (besides your spouse/significant other/person in your life who is obligated to tell you) called you cute, precious, adorable, etc? Not that I'm all that hung up on looks, but I think it would be nice if from time-to-time a perfect stranger were to come up to me in the grocery store and tell me, "You are just the most darling thing I have ever seen in my life!" I think we could all use a compliment like that.

I have some more, but didn't want to let this post get so outrageously long that nobody would read it... stay tuned for part 2!

Too Tired to Cry

Have you ever been so exhausted, so completely wiped out that you don't even have the strength to summon the moisture for a tear? That's pretty much how I felt this Friday.

It has been a very tough two and a half weeks. Poor Elise's BG (blood glucose) levels have been sky high, between 300-450 (her normal range is 100-200). And it's affecting her badly.

Yesterday, she was walking around and all of a sudden, she just froze. Her shoulders hunched and all her muscles stiffened. Then she let out the most agonizing cry I have ever heard. It pierced my heart and I went over to her to see what had happened. She wrapped her arms around my neck and as I picked her up, she started arching her back and writhing in pain. I soothed her and calmed her down, then decided to check her sugar levels (making sure she wasn't upset as this can affect the results). She was at 428.

No wonder she was in pain. High levels can give you headaches, stomach aches, and make you hungry. Unfortunately she has been running high for almost three weeks now and every time we up her insulin, her BG goes up too. I haven't seen a normal number in a long time.

And our endo (endocrinologist) hasn't been much help. The problem with Elise being so young is that a low BG is much more dangerous than a high. So they have to increase her insulin slowly, over time. But meanwhile I have to care for a hurting child, and I have no way to make her feel better. Very difficult for an admitted control freak like myself.

But that's a whole other post for another day. Meanwhile, could you pray for my little girl? I just want to figure out how to make her to feel better again. The shots, the counting carbs, the blood sugar tests; I can handle those. Watching her in pain is breaking my heart.

She's walking... oh yes indeed!

Amid all the craziness of September, I forgot to post that Elise took her first steps (about 4 of them) on September 17. After that, there was not a whole lot of walking (I guess she figured been there, done that... thank you very much!), but these last few days, you just can't stop her! After many, many attempts to catch it on video (it was so funny, she'd be walking along, and as soon as we would turn on the camera, she'd plop herself down and start crawling), on Monday, we finally were able to record her.

She's Just Trying to be Helpful

For some reason, Elise has been having sleeping issues in the mornings. I'm not sure if it's related to the diabetes, but it started just after we got home from the hospital. Usually she sleeps until 8:30. I never used to hear a peep out of her until she would wake up, bright-eyed and ready to go. But lately she's been waking up around 6:00, crying. Sometimes she soothes herself back to sleep, and sometimes either Fred or I have to go in, put a hand on her chest, and she'll usually fall back asleep in five minutes. When we used to soothe her as a tiny baby, we'd also make a shushing noise. It's become such a habit, I still do it to this day!

So this morning I go in around 7:00. I put my hand on her chest, and she quiets down right away. Because I'm so tired, I neglect to do the shushing thing. After standing there for about a minute, I start hearing a "shhhhhhhhhh" coming from the crib. It continues for about another minute until she falls asleep.

I guess we've taught her well...

Son of These are a Few of My Favourite Things

Sadly I don't really have time to peruse this website anymore, but Television Without Pity is one of my all-time favourites. Their slogan is "Spare the Snark, Spoil the Networks", and their thing is doing recaps of TV shows and movies. With heaping amounts of glorious sarcasm. Gobs and gobs of sarcasm, actually. So much that I think the writers must have done an intensive course on it at some point in their lives. Which is all fine by me. There is the occasional bad word here and there, so if that offends you, best to leave it alone. But if you have a spare 20 minutes, check it out and read a recap of your favourite show. I challenge you not to laugh.